What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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