Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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