That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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