Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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