glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
