Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
