Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
