Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
