I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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