In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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