Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish I only lived at night.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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