i don't like sucking hair
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
