You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
