god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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