so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
