And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just pee around me
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
