Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Randomize
