I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
