I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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