Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize