Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
