so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
