She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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