Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
