I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
