This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The dick lei will go down in squad history
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
