Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
