Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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