Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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