wat bout pragnant strippers??
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
