I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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