we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize