she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
