You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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