Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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