I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
