In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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