He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
