ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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