did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
