You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
