So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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