I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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