the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
