It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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