how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
