Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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