i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Be still, my beating vagina.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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