This girl is more easily done than said...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
