Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it glows. i had to have it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
