laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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