Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
