lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
