I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
