he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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