some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
