it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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