Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize
