I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
