You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm like, not good at living.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
