I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
