Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
