I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
