Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
